The Jabberer

To be honest, it's pretty damn hard to find pictures of this film, but on the list of things that could have been done better more pictures is awfully low on that list. Last week I managed to see Underwater , and it was quite a confusing film, mixing new and unique things in a horror film that I haven't seen before (or in a while) with some truly baffling production choices. It was a film that I found both entertaining and frustrating in equal measure, and it really just felt like a film that was still in the process of figuring out what exactly it was supposed to be. I've never understood my friends' dislike for TJ Miller characters before, but needless to say I understand now, and he's just one of the strange choices that the film made in regards to its execution. Without further ado, let's talk about Underwater , a film that can't seem to decide what brand of horror or adventure film it is. Beginning with the plot, Underwater goes through several

I honestly hate the energy I'm getting from this strange semi-burlesque introduction. Am I supposed to be turned on or something? Why is the carafe bejeweled? Nobody knows. While I was in California I decided to see CATS with my friends because I heard how terrible it was and decided that I should view God's crowning shame with my own eyes. It was perhaps my highlight of the visit, and it is indeed a fantastic film to watch with friends. To tell the truth, it's not actually all that bad (outside of the cat designs), and there are some things that the film did that I didn't expect, but regardless it remains an appalling film. Hell, it's actually pretty decent all things considered, but it's a great example of how a part of a project can be executed so terribly that it overshadows and drowns out everything else. It honestly feels like both a dream and a curse simultaneously thinking back on it, and I'm somehow certain that to expunge it from my soul I wi

As bizarre as it seems, literally anybody can enjoy the story told here. Even me, a guy who likes adventures in space, knights, and monsters more than anything, liked this film's story. I'm still working on my backlog from California, and while I was there I was able to catch a screening of the new adaptation of Little Women , and to tell the truth, it's really, really good. I've never read or seen any other adaptations of the work before, but it successfully manages to capture that ethereal quality of films that every kid would watch in school growing up, like the Kennith Branagh Shakespeare films. Beyond that however, it's also simply a well-made and emotional film that invites contemplation and reflection on not just gender roles, but also differing experiences, relationships, and choices. Okay, let's do this. Since Little Women is a classic (and because I can't recall every minutia of the plot), I'll forego the usual summary, though I'll

Oh yeah, teamwork really makes it all come together, especially against tough foes Well it took the better part of my break, but I finished Pathfinder: Kingmaker , and oh boy, do I have things to say about it. As the name suggests, it’s an adaptation of the Pathfinder 1st edition tabletop roleplaying system, and while I’ve never played Pathfinder before it seems very much similar to the tabletop. The story is fantastic, the RPG systems are very well done, and you can change almost every detail of the difficulty to suit your needs or desires, what more could you ask for? Unfortunately, much like running Castle Strahd in a single session, Kingmaker starts off strong but nearing the end dissolves into a deathmarch-like slog to the finish (both in difficulty and pacing). I very much enjoyed it, but even I can’t ignore the multitude of issues plaguing the otherwise inventive, fun, and satisfying approach it took to adapting an adventure path. Camping doesn't help you get

For some reason I am constantly reminded of the man blinking face whenever I look at the cover, it's kind of eerie to tell the truth. Before I left for California I managed to finish Arthur C. Clarke’s most iconic novel (written alongside Kubrick's film and an expansion of his short story "The Sentinal"), 2001: A Space Odyssey , and it was even better than I expected. I didn’t know until recently that it was first a novel and I still have yet to see the film, but now I feel like I have a greater appreciation and understanding of the film for it. It’s basically a word-for-word copy of the film (if my understanding of the outline is correct), but it focuses a great deal on the cerebral and experiences of the characters. Like it says on the tin, it’s a journey of a lifetime, and like a tin of fish, let’s crack this puppy open. As mentioned earlier, Clarke’s book and Kubrick’s film are essentially functionally identical, but there’s a lot more explanation of wh

Probably not the weirdest sight to wake up to in seventies LA in all honesty... My second film I watched on my flight to California was The Nice Guys . If I had to give a pitch for why I enjoyed this film to someone, I’d have to first mention my intense loathing for Dirty Harry because I like the former and despise the latter for seemingly the same reason: detective work. Both films are examples of atrocious detective work, yet where Dirty Harry obstructs and irritates with its depiction, The Nice Guys makes being a terrible investigator a source of comedy. It’s also a truly hilarious film, and while the overarching story does resolve bizarrely there’s plenty to enjoy in this film about two certainly not-nice guys. The story of The Nice Guys is oddly enough, one of a massive corporate conspiracy involving car emissions and the porn industry. Yeah, weird. However, this only really enters the picture at the beginning of the climax, so it’s a bit of a bizarre choice despite

Those of us with phobias of space, Moon is pretty gentle, but it's still going to be a rough ride. Never thought I'd find respiratory breakdown so scary. On my flight to California I was able to cross two movies off of my bucket list: Moon and The Nice Guys . For the sake of simplicity I’ll start with Moon . Thinking about my own mortality and impermanence is always a strange exercise for me. Truth be told I would be lying if I said that I entirely looked forward to my own inevitable physical (and likely mental) decline, but in a strange way I look forward to it. I want to live for as long as possible, a hundred if I can achieve it, but the fact remains, no matter how much I’d like to will myself beyond it, that I have an expiration date. Just as the sun rises, it must set, and so darkness returns to darkness. Moon is the story of a man encountering his expiration date, and existing in spite of it.  Sam Rockwell pulls off perhaps his most impressive performance

The set pieces of this game can be very easily be encapsulated by the phrase 'Woah, you don't see something like that every day'. I love it. So I finished Rise of the Tomb Raider , and I must say, it's an improvement on the first entry, though I found myself less impressed than with the first. Essentially a more polished version of the prior game, Rise sees Lara trade in the East Asian island environments for my personal favorite local: frigid and stormy mountains (even more so considering the warm weather in Chicago currently). There's also the bonus of it feeling like an actual sequel, meaning that (aside from acquiring weapons and some perks) pretty much everything you encounter feels at least somewhat fresh and new. It sees welcome  improvements but is by no means entirely perfect, so let's get into it shall we? Sure I can read level two Greek, but how would I know what level two Greek is? What defines the levels of Greek or any other languag