Dirty Harry: Detective Work at its Worst

When all you have is a quick hand and a decent monologue, you better hope you can back it up with some accuracy. 

Growing up I was no stranger to the idea of Dirty Harry, a hard-boiled detective with his signature magnum and monologue. I had never seen the film, but references permeated my childhood. From Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura to the cameo of the Magnum Force theme in Valve's Meet the Sniper, you would think that I'd go out of my way to watch it. Surprisingly, I never did, but that changed today when I saw it on Netflix. Wow, I don't think that I have had less fun watching a movie in a while, from the titular character to the way it was filmed to the story itself.

Let's start with Harry Callahan, known within the SFPD as "Dirty Harry". He's your typical hard-boiled doesn't-play-well-with-others kinda detective, you know, a real jackass. I have no idea how he got on the force in fact, he's arrogant, racist, and actually sort of whiney (in his own special way). We don't see him do any real detective work the entire film, besides lurking in an alley where he proves his ineptitude. He can't even follow orders and protocol (including the basic Miranda rights, which turns a surefire arrest of the killer into an exoneration). His one valuable asset seems to simply be shooting, he's so good at it he seems to bear a striking resemblance to a McCree who holds onto his ultimate for an entire round in the hopes of getting a team kill. However, this only works when he has his iconic .44 magnum, with a rifle he can't hit a guy who doesn't know he's there. I honestly can't tell how people thought this guy was some sort of a badass, he's just Quickdraw McGraw, the worst police officer on the SFPD (who somehow made inspector), and honestly just a liability to the force.

The story itself would be pretty interesting, tracking down a serial killer in 70's San Francisco in a race against the clock. I've never seen a 70's cop film or show before, and it was interesting to see pretty much all sides of seventies San Francisco, from the downtown to its seedy underbelly. However, it's Inspector Callahan's own ineptitude that drags the story down. I'm thoroughly convinced that this film would be only an hour, if that, were he more competent and acted like a grown man. He pisses off the killer, makes it a personal affair between them, wounds the killer a few times, tortures him, and then finally, finally nabs him (kills him really, because by God Harry won't take him alive). The film ends with him tossing away his badge, a move that should have been done before the movie started. My favorite part of the film, and probably the most realistic, was when (I think it was two or three times) the SFPD higher ups go off the hook at him after their newest attempt to nab the unnamed killer, saying in no uncertain terms that the killer would be behind bars were it not for Harry's ineptitude.

Yet even the technical side of things are terrible. I know this film was made in the early seventies, so there wasn't much to work with, but could they not afford to buy a tripod for more than a quarter of the scenes? Also holy crap is this movie dark, like you could close your eyes for a third of it and you would know the exact same as if you were attempting to watch the film. You know, maybe this is a good film for the blind to listen to now that I consider it. I was at first excited to see the bright blues of the San Francisco Bay and sky clash with the grey of the city, but I soon realized that what we were in store for was mostly night footage. The soundtrack is good, a mix of psychedelic rock and something else that creates an iconic beat cop feel to the film. It's a redeeming feature, but not one that can really save the film.

As it's pretty clear by now, I did not like this film, and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone either. It should be easy to make a likable police film, after all, the antagonists are pretty much the lowest of the low, like murderers, corrupt officials, South Africans supporting Apartheid, the like. It boggles the mind at just how irritating this film is. If you want to see the rebel cop trope be entertaining, dude just watch Lethal Weapon, it's much better than this portrait of a shitty person and a worse cop that is Dirty Harry.