The Jabberer

I am Mother is an okay film, and really, that's the essence of it. Easily watchable, understandable, and short, it's not a standout film, but it does have some glaring issues that drag it down and help make it an unoffensive yet easily forgettable film. Mother, doing what she believes she was born to do. The story is loosely similar to Plato's Allegory of the Cave, with some differences. On the whole I'd say for what they ran with it's a decent story, but it could have been better with some changes. The film explores the breakdown of trust between a teenage girl and the robot, named Mother, who has raised her since birth. The cause of this fracturing is the arrival of a woman from the outside, who is living evidence that Mother's assessment that there are no living people alive outside of her bunker is either inaccurate or dishonest. Mother was supposedly built to be, well, a mother, but once this break of trust occurs (which initially seems to be just a

When all you have is a quick hand and a decent monologue, you better hope you can back it up with some accuracy.  Growing up I was no stranger to the idea of Dirty Harry , a hard-boiled detective with his signature magnum and monologue. I had never seen the film, but references permeated my childhood. From Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura to the cameo of the Magnum Force theme in Valve's Meet the Sniper , you would think that I'd go out of my way to watch it. Surprisingly, I never did, but that changed today when I saw it on Netflix. Wow, I don't think that I have had less fun watching a movie in a while, from the titular character to the way it was filmed to the story itself. Let's start with Harry Callahan, known within the SFPD as "Dirty Harry". He's your typical hard-boiled doesn't-play-well-with-others kinda detective, you know, a real jackass. I have no idea how he got on the force in fact, he's arrogant, racist, and actually sort of whiney

In preparation for the upcoming release of IT: Chapter 2 on September 9th, and seeing that it was on Netflix, I figured that it was a good time to watch this puppy for a review. I'm unabashedly a massive fan of the book and I enjoyed watching the miniseries, so the question is: Does this modern adaptation of the childhood segments of Steven King's IT stack up to its cult classic predecessors? The opening scene is one of the many places where a proper R-rating really lets the source material shine. The story follows the same beats as the book and the childhood portion of the miniseries, and like the miniseries, it cuts out some of the more bleak, mature, and sexual events of the book. It also doesn't go into the cosmic origin of the titular IT, but neither did the miniseries (To be fair it was a very strange portion of the book). However, the timeframe of the film is much different than it was in the other two versions, taking place in 1988 and 1989 respectively, as

Super Fancy Pants Adventure is a remaster of a classic flash game by the name of Fancy Pants from my childhood that was put on Steam in 2017. I had a lot of fond memories of the original, so you could imagine my excitement when I saw it on the store page. Playing it however reminded me of why I liked it so much in the first place, and apart from a few gripes I have with it the core gameplay and aesthetic still holds up wonderfully. Fancy Pants in his iconic full sprint, running to Bathtub Village. Yes, that's actually the name of it. The basic premise of the gameplay is of fast, parkour-like movement as you run through hills, valleys, over jumps, loop-de-loops, and so on. When you are running, it just feels liberating, and there's a strange feeling of joy from your character's movements. This game is very good at making you feel like a platforming master, even if you're not (like me). The combat is pretty simple, and really you can approach combat with everythi

Lara Croft GO , like most of the puzzle games I've played, is a game that I have a hard time sticking to. It took me a bit of stop-and-go playing to get through, and to tell the truth I think it's the right way to play this title. Frustrating and tricky at times, it's a game you can easily pick up and play, with good visuals to boot. Despite almost being a trope at this point, nothing grabs me more than a good old descent into the earth. The story is just the basic tomb-raiding kinda story, with the closest thing to an antagonist being a giant serpent. The entirety of the gameplay revolves around 4-directional movement, with Laura moving one space at a time and monsters (the ones that move) moving immediately afterward. One of the cooler things that you'll witness is how Laura dispatches the monsters she faces. While some you kill using taps and the environment, most of the rest you stylishly eliminate with your iconic double pistols. There's also a good prog

To be perfectly honest, few popular culture things make me nearly as embarrassed as the fact that until recently I had never seen the 1982 version of The Thing , starring Kurt Russell. Adding insult to injury was the fact that I am a big movie buff, and Lovecraftian stories were always a great love of mine. Even all these years later, I think it remains one of the greatest horror films of all time, and continues to blow even modern practical effects out of the water. The story may be subjective, but the impact it left on  viewers certainly isn't. You could fill an art gallery with people's custom The Thing posters. By now probably everyone and their mother knows the general plot of The Thing , but in a nutshell it is Invasion of the Body Snatchers , except with a physical alien being/virus and taking place in a remote arctic research station. The story of isolation and infiltration isn't a very common one today, but what makes the way the story told exceptional is t

DARK returns with a vengeance in season 2, boasting an even more gloomy and suspenseful tale than the first season. Essentially everything is more developed in an organic fashion, making this a mid-bending exploration and continuation of season 1. Jonas' story is one of trying to return home and fix things, and as a bonus we finally see happiness grace his face! The story of season 2 is a definite continuation of season 1, where the first focused on discovery of the forces at work, the second is mostly about figuring out and exploring the conundrum the inhabitants of Winden face. The theme has also organically shifted away from the question of one's place in the world to the concept of fate and free will. This is explored as we see the near future and the near past through Jonas' eyes as he attempts to 'fix' the cycle. I really liked how much time travel was in the events of the show that we never saw or thought about before now, and it really connects with

Ken Follett's The Pillars of the Earth is an episodic story-based choose-your-own adventure game that most people know as a book that's all about building cathedrals, but was adapted in 2017 by Daedalic Entertainment in 2017. On the surface it seems like your standard Telltale-like game, except with only 3 'books' (episodes) instead of the usual 6. However, this is a little deceptive, as this game is a very lengthy one, especially compared to telltale games, with an epic story that spans thirty years or so (that does indeed involve the building of a cathedral). I hadn't heard much of this game prior to playing it, but afterward I was mystified, as from what I could see through my play through that this game did a far better job than Telltale at their own game. Perhaps it's a metaphor for the story itself, the sun will rise again tomorrow, rain or shine. Story-wise, this game has a well-crafted story in spades, though admittedly most of the credit probabl

One of the couple of breathtaking moments in this game, I really like how the stars turned out. To the Moon is essentially the living embodiment of chopped onions. A somber tale about fulfilling a man's dying wish artificially through editing his memories, To the Moon presents a sort of futuristic It's a Wonderful Life , and it has the same heart. The only problem is the man who's memories your delving doesn't remember why exactly his dream is to go to the title, and it's your job to figure out why that is. There is also some reflection of the dubious morality of such a service, though a lot of that is in play in the background of the 'minisodes' that come free with the game. Have no fear if you don't like sad stories, it's all good in the end, though you will probably ugly-cry (I was close, not going to lie). In addition, there's a good deal of humor mixed in, ranging from situational to meta. Gameplay is just moving around and hunting f

So because I couldn't wait to get to season 2, I figured that a third attempt to watch DARK before I got distracted again was in order. Well here I am, after just finishing the first season, and I have to say, this show is absolutely incredible. There's so much done perfectly, it's almost mind-boggling. The cinematography is magical, the soundtrack is always used to maximum effect, the casting is incredibly eerie (in a good way), and the story is intensely riveting without traditional techniques. It's less that you're watching a TV show and more that you're watching life play out from several perspectives. In my opinion Netflix has another grand slam on their hands, similar in areas to Stranger Things , but this amazing example of sci-fi noir is much more mature, understated, and unsettling in its themes and execution. Sure, it may seem like a one-off establishing scene, but it's never that simple...  First, the story. There's so much to unpack

I figured that I should make a quick return to my youth while my options are somewhat limited here in Europe, and in my eyes there was no better choice than LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga , especially as a completely new game, with all 9 episodes (and possibly the third game as well maybe?) is coming out in the future. Of course for me this has immense sentimental value, the first game was the very first video game I'd ever played, so the obvious question is: does it hold up? Well I've concluded that it definitely does, for a few reasons beyond my own nostalgia. My twin and I circa 2005, off to rescue the Chancellor before bed. The first is gameplay, and it's perfectly polished and executed. Controls are incredibly easy to grasp, and combat is fun and unchallenging. It's a lot of fun to go through the six episodes on offer, destroying, building, and operating all sorts of contraptions as the entire cast of the films (no matter how obscure). The only issues her

Kingdom: Classic for a while was all we had from the Kingdom series (now on its third version), but now serves as a sort of proof of concept for what would be elaborated and improved on in New Lands and furthermore in Two Crowns . However, even though it is essentially outdated today, it remains a rock solid game.  Kingdom: Classic is elegant in the simplicity of its gameplay and systems in an act that transcends age or relevance. This shrine is vital for the continued existence of your kingdom, it allows you to get walls that are worth a damn. The story of Kingdom is more or less nonexistent, what matters is that you're a dispossessed king or queen who is tasked with rebuilding their shattered kingdom and transforming the local vagrant population into productive members of your little bastion. There is an element/aura of environmental storytelling which is occasionally quite captivating. I found myself stopping at the vagrant camps and taking in the gloomy and hopeless

Anima is a musical short directed by Paul Thomas Anderson and starring Radiohead's Thom Yorke that details one subway rider's surreal quest to find the woman who he fell in love with on the subway after she leaves her purse (I think). It's short (only 15 minutes), but besides the music and dancing there's also a few notable things that the crew and cast were able to do that intrigued me even if I didn't particularly enjoy this short. The story is told in 3 acts, or songs. The first establishes our late-night subway goers and his mission to return the purse/catch up with the woman, but obstacles prevent him from doing so and separate him despite his efforts. This leads into song two, which is a departure from the first, detailing the man's efforts to not give into conformity. This left me stumped honestly, and though I am pretty experienced in technical theatre, the exact meaning of interpretive dances have consistently eluded me. Song three acts as our res

A game that had promise, Warhammer Quest is a classic case of decent gameplay being marred by terrible design. Even though I felt a little tricked by the fact that this is a mobile game (why are these even here in the first place?), I felt that I should give it the benefit of the doubt. After all, it fooled me, and to be fair I did buy it, though the $1.34 asking price and the fact that I'd never heard of it did raise my eyebrows. It's not a good game, but by no means a terrible one. It's simply boring. However, despite this, there were more than a few things that I enjoyed a great deal in this rather uninspired game, a handful things that somewhat irked me, and many that drove me to writing the first of hopefully few rants. The map, best get used to seeing it! Of the things I think are done well in this game, first is the equipment system. Any character can have 12 items total equipped, with four items of common, rare, and legendary varieties. You are challenged to